Join me as I share insights from animals in spirit and physical form, and from my own lessons learned as an intuitive.  Having trekked this path for decades my vision is to help you learn how to hone your intuitive gifts, create healthy energy boundaries and communicate with animals through private mentoring and workshops.

Healthy Boundaries

by Wendy Wolfe on March 1, 2017

Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have. Anonymous

If you find yourself giving too much, always trying to make peace among others, people pleasing, taking on other people’s problems, feeling resentful or taking things personally, you likely have weak energetic and personal boundaries.

Once upon a time, I was a bit of a door mat. I couldn’t say no or disagree with someone. I was a chameleon, becoming like whomever I was with to blend in. I didn’t understand my empathic abilities nor could I separate myself from those close to me. If you know me at all, you know this is no longer true. I learned to shore up my boundaries and one of my best teachers was my mare Mariah. My dogs have been great teachers too. Often, our best teachers of boundaries are animals. I’ll share more about the animals later in the article.

What are boundaries?

An energetic boundary is where our “energy body” ends. While the term “end” is a bit of a misnomer because all energy is connected, we do have an electromagnetic energy field that is “ours” while we are in a physical body. Because we are in control of our energy (consciously or not), we set our “boundaries”.

Personal boundaries are what we decide we are willing to accept in behavior from others. This isn’t about them, it’s about decisions we make, again consciously or not, about what we will do in response to another’s action. For example, I have a boundary around discussing politics with my mother. She has been informed. If she brings up politics, I leave. No drama, no arguing, I’ve stated I will not discuss politics. Because she is older and forgetful, I might remind her of our agreement and if she then changes the subject, I can choose to stay. This is a clear personal boundary. I’m not saying she can’t have the political views she has, I’m not saying she can’t discuss them, but I am clear that if she does, I will leave (or hang up).

Setting appropriate boundaries is often challenging for highly sensitive empaths and especially for those who grew up in dysfunctional families. From an early age our personal and energetic boundaries are often violated. We live in a culture where this is not only acceptable but considered appropriate. In our attempts to raise “good kids”, we violate their boundaries.

We tell children to hug someone even when they are not comfortable with it. They learn someone else’s comfort is more important than theirs which underpins feelings of unworthiness. Making children feel responsible for another’s feelings is a way we discourage healthy boundaries. Think about how many times you were told “Don’t make me (or your sister, daddy, mommy), sad, mad, etc.” OR, “You made her sad”, when really, it was the other person’s choice to be sad. It wasn’t the child’s fault.

We turn children into people pleasers at the expense of their own beautiful selves. They learn it’s more important to make others feel good or avoid confrontation than to speak their truth. They learn to hide who they really are so others will like them; so they can feel good about themselves. And they grow into adults who feel their worth is dependent upon how they please others. We think we are teaching them to be considerate of others but we are not.

Of course we want our children to grow up with empathy for others but when we ask them to ignore their own voice to please another, we create children who feel less than. When we teach them to put others before themselves this way it teaches them they are not enough. Recognizing we are all created equal and all deserve love can’t be taught this way. If we first teach children they are responsible for their own feelings and have a right to their feelings, a healthy sense of self and boundaries can grow. They can be taught their actions have consequences and affect others without shaming or diminishing their value.

Children will naturally have empathy for others when they are allowed empathy for themselves.

With healthy boundaries, people take responsibility for their own feelings. No one else is required to take care of them emotionally. They learn to trust their feelings and their inner knowing. As a result, they have much more to give to others. They don’t continually sacrifice their needs for others so they don’t feel resentful or angry. They walk in the world whole, happy and able to give love easily.

When we have weak energetic boundaries, it makes it that much more difficult to have strong personal boundaries. The two work together. As highly sensitive empaths, we are especially attuned to energy. When we let people violate our energetic boundaries, we let them deplete our energy. When we attach our energy to others through energy cords (mostly unconsciously), we have given up our energy boundaries and weakened our personal boundaries. We have become enmeshed with another. If you are bound to someone energetically through cords, it will be more difficult to speak your truth and maintain personal boundaries.

Being enmeshed with others is so ingrained in our lives, we don’t recognize when our boundaries are being violated (or that we are violating others). What we do recognize is a feeling of resentment, anxiety, depression and a need to isolate ourselves from others. When we don’t separate ourselves from others energetically or stand up for ourselves, we lose touch with who we are. We become who others would have us be. It’s a very insidious loss of self.

Our loss of energetic boundaries, like our loss of personal boundaries, began in childhood. Parents and other adults often take energy from children through abuse, over-protection and living their life through the child. This is not a conscious action but something they too learned as a child. We learn our “energy habits” unconsciously as children. Fortunately, we can unlearn these habits and develop healthy boundaries.

How can we strengthen our energetic boundaries?

The first step is to become aware of your own energy habits and how you currently use your energy field. This is where our animals become great teachers. Animals, especially horses, but also dogs, cats, and birds, will reflect to us the state of our energy and emotions.

Mariah has been my best teacher because she demands I be grounded, with my energy “intact” when I am around her. She also insists I be present. If my energy attaches to hers, I get a glare. When the farrier is working on her, I must be present or she will walk off. When I’m completely present with my energy intact (and strong), she stands quiet and cooperative. If I am unknowingly repressing an emotion, she will display it. And let’s face it, anger, frustration, resentment or sadness are usually the only emotions we tend to repress. I doubt I’ve ever repressed joy. Mariah shows me clearly what I am doing with my energy and emotions.

Our dogs and cats will do the same. Walking a dog when you are fearful, whether you are conscious of this or not, will likely result in an anxious dog who barks at everything. You can get similar reactions when your energy is weakened because of energy cords or Hitchhikers. Look to your animal companions for clues on your energy body.

Grounding your energy stabilizes your boundaries. Because our energy is controlled by our thoughts and visualization, grounding can be simple and quick. This simple two step process will enforce your boundaries and give you strength.

Quick Energy Boundary Builder

  1. Bring your attention to your body. Feel into all parts of your body. This attention brings your energy back into you.
  2. Imagine you have roots growing out of the bottoms of your feet and see these roots go deep into the earth. I like to feel them wrap around the core of the earth.

You can also learn more about how to work with your energy by downloading my free Energy Mastery Workbook and Guided Meditation, by providing your name and email on the right hand side of this page.

Questions? Feel free to ask in the comments.

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Let’s Be Proactive

by Wendy Wolfe on February 2, 2017

It’s not unusual for people to contact me when their beloved animal companion is in the last stages of life.  Many times, it’s days or hours away.  Knowing at what point the suffering is greater than the quality of life can be difficult.  I’m grateful I can help with this decision.  It’s important to understand how your animal feels and what they need.

I trust all happens in perfect timing, yet sometimes I wish people would contact me sooner.   Following conventional advice is not always in the best interest of your beloved animals.  While there certainly is a place for allopathic medicine, many times, especially with more chronic conditions, there are holistic alternatives that can do more benefit with less harm.  It’s best to start before the problem appears…or shortly after if necessary.

Here’s a story from my own recent experience.  About nine months ago, my toy poodle King began showing signs of discomfort on his front leg after running down the deck stairs.  I gave him a day or so and it improved so I let it go.   After another month, he began limping again.  This time it persisted a few days…on a weekend of course…so I took him to the emergency hospital in Appleton.  As they examined him they found nothing broken and determined the pain was coming from his shoulder (I knew this part).  Even though I knew his shoulder was sore, I wasn’t going to rely only on my abilities to diagnose him.  I was glad to find out nothing else was a problem.  I gave him ZeoComplete to reduce inflammation and a supplement with joint support and a natural anti-inflammatory.  I also took him to my vet for a chiropractic adjustment.

A few weeks later, he was sore again.  I sensed something more was going on and took him to my vet asking for x-rays.  The x-ray revealed a tumor on his shoulder bone.  The diagnosis was osteosarcoma, or bone cancer.  My vet explained the “normal course” (and he knows I rarely follow the normal course) is to amputate the leg and shoulder and use chemotherapy.  This should provide 6-12 months more life.  I knew this would not be a good option for King.  He suggested a few different pain relievers.  He held the most hope for one that could be compounded for King’s tiny size and seemed to have less negative effects than the other ones.  Because it would take at least a week to get, he recommended Tramadol and Metacam in the meantime.  I wasn’t comfortable giving these harsh drugs to King but I also knew he was in pain.  I decided to try a dose of the tramadol. Afterwards, he seemed worse.  I also tried the Metacam. Again this was doing more harm than good.  King was acting like he wanted to die right then.  I could tell he had lost his zest for life.  I was heartbroken that he might have only a very short time to live.  When my vet ordered the drug I was waiting for, he told me he was ordering enough for one month, more than I would need.

A friend and I did energy work with King.  I stopped the other two pain relievers.  He perked up.  It occurred to me that marijuana is being used successfully to treat pain with cancer so maybe I could find marijuana for dogs.  Well I found something even better.  I found a cannabis product called Canna-Pet, developed after years of research by veterinarians.  This product has no THC, the component that causes hallucinogenic effects so it can be shipped anywhere in the US.  It’s useful for end of life comfort and many other physical and emotional (behavioral) issues. I ordered it right away.

When the anti-inflammatory drug that was being compounded, arrived I was hesitant to start King on it because I knew it could cause gastric ulcers.  I had just started him on the Canna-Pet and decided to give it a few days.  King’s attitude and appetite improved.  He had less pain and was not three-legged lame but was still sore.  After another week or two King continued to improve but still had pain so I decided to add the anti-inflammatory drug after testing it for him by dowsing.  After I added this with the Canna-Pet, King stopped favoring the leg.  He would occasionally yelp if he overexerted himself but overall was enjoying life.  After another month on these products, he was no longer yelping.  He was begging for petting again and running up and down the deck stairs.  When he started to have digestive issues, I put him on an herbal digestive aid designed for dogs and reduced the anti-inflammatory to once a day.  That was about 5 months ago.

I tell you this story because had I followed the typical advice, I’m certain King would have declined and been gone within a month as my vet suggested.  The side effects from the drugs would have caused so many other issues, he wouldn’t be enjoying the health he is now.

Using drugs like prednisone have their place in acute situations but they are very problematic when given for long periods.  Allopathic medicine can do miracles in acute situations.  My dog Tiger had surgery for a herniated disc in his neck at UW Madison Vet Hospital and it saved him from intense pain.  I’m not against all allopathic medicine, but there is so much that is not necessary and even harmful. Over vaccination, unnecessary drugs and commercial diets are creating many of the health and behavioral issues seen in our companion animals today.  Allopathic medicine fails at creating homeostasis which means balance. The body is designed to heal itself.  When we support it with proper diet, exercise and play, reduce toxins and stress the body can heal.

My journey with holistic help for animals began in 1996 with my dog Tiger.  This was when I began feeding a homemade and then raw diet to my dogs.  I learned about the problems of over-vaccination and harsh drugs given routinely (and often unnecessarily).  My sensitive dog Tiger taught me much as did my horses.  For those of you who have known me since I began working with animals in 2002, you know I also used to do complete wellness workups for animals including essential oil therapy, cranio sacral therapy and nutritional recommendations.  While this work is no longer included on my website and I’m not doing full work-ups anymore, I am here to help steer you in the right direction (along with your holistic veterinarian) when your animals are facing health issues or while they are healthy to ensure they stay that way as long as possible.

If your animals are struggling with health issues (or you want to prevent the issues), please contact me (wendy@wendywolfe.com).  Also consider a second opinion with a truly holistic veterinarian.  If you don’t have one near you, some will do consults from a distance.  They need you to be their advocates.  Many times, much can still be done to improve their quality of life and often you will save money too.

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Here’s a post I’m upcycling. I was communicating with a cat for a client in my Illumination Program.  Because she was learning how to communicate with animals this session was a little different.  Instead of me connecting alone with the cat and relaying the information, she joined me and together, we held a heart energy […]

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Getting From Pissed to Peace

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What happens when you receive bad news or are faced with a choice you didn’t want to make? I’m talking about the life altering stuff; divorce, job loss, bankruptcy, tragic accident or life changing illness. For most of us, it means fear, anxiety, grief, anger, stewing, resentment, frustration, and more. Our mind and body is […]

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When listening within doesn’t work

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Learning to trust our inner voice allows us to make decisions pointing us in the right direction and keeping us from harm. Getting quiet and going within is also the first lesson in communicating with animals. For over 12 years I’ve been teaching others to get quiet, go within and listen to the whispers of […]

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Is this Monster Hiding Within?

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It’s easy for us to think of our job, finances, health, etc as causes for our anxiety. It might surprise you to learn the most significant factor in creating anxiety actually comes from within. It’s the critical voice we hear between our ears; our Inner Critic. Studies link negative self talk to anxiety, depression and […]

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