Getting From Pissed to Peace

by Wendy Wolfe on April 21, 2016

What happens when you receive bad news or are faced with a choice you didn’t want to make?From Pissed to Peace (1)

I’m talking about the life altering stuff; divorce, job loss, bankruptcy, tragic accident or life changing illness.

For most of us, it means fear, anxiety, grief, anger, stewing, resentment, frustration, and more. Our mind and body is taken hostage by emotions triggered by the event.

An unexpected change happened to me recently. During the first couple of days I felt angry, betrayed, scared, resentful, and a myriad of other emotions. My body went into an adrenaline charged survival mode. Yet I also had little glimpses of faith. Moments when I knew it would be okay. Even moments when I understood this is a good thing.

In the days that followed, longer periods of faith eased the overwhelm. The heart racing and insomnia were replaced with peace and calm. As time passes, dealing with the changes and those involved continues to trigger periods of angst yet I find my way back to peace.

I’m not saying it’s all pretty.

Life is often messy.

But when you have faith, a belief in something larger than this lifetime, the messy becomes part of the experience. You trust some form of pretty will return eventually, even if you can’t see it in this moment. You learn to be okay with messy.

If this unwanted event had happened to me several years ago, I wouldn’t have found my way to hope and faith so quickly. I would have spent much more time in the adrenaline filled, stewing, angry, scared place. As you know… stewing, angry, grieving and scared is no fun.

Even though I now move more easily out of this place of angst, I don’t want to diminish the importance and necessity of feeling all my emotions. It’s okay and necessary to feel the sadness, anger, fear, resentment, helplessness and whatever comes up. Allowing your feelings is the most important thing you can do.

In our culture we characterize certain emotions as “negative” when in fact they are completely natural and human. Because we were raised to believe we shouldn’t have these emotions…

We have mastered avoidance.

We take pills to stop feeling.

We use alcohol or food to numb the pain.

We distract ourselves with TV, social media, sex and work.

We avoid exactly what we need to feel in order to move through the pain and arrive at peace. There is no peace without allowing the pain. Avoidance and stuffing will only intensify the emotions, even if they are buried under denial.

There is no “perfect” time frame to move through the emotions. Less time is not necessarily better. It takes what it takes. It’s your experience and you get to feel what you need to.

I’m all about the love, peace and pretty but Kumbaya can’t come before grieving, venting, or getting pissed because…

energy is at work here.

Emotions are energy in motion. When we suppress the emotions, we block energy. When we block energy we cut ourselves off from the natural vital flow of energy we need to sustain health and vitality. When we allow the expression of all our emotions, we allow the energy to flow. This doesn’t mean I’m encouraging anyone to express their emotions in a way that is harmful to themselves or another. We can express our emotions and release the energy in healthy ways. Here’s an article with specific steps.

We can still make the process longer and more painful than it needs to be through resistance, hyper-focusing or energy cords. When you allow feelings to take their natural course, you will find relief faster than if you resist.  If you find you are struggling, use these strategies to move through this time with as much ease as possible.

8 Steps to go from Pissed to Peace

  1. Don’t resist. Allow the emotions you are feeling to surface. Acknowledge them without judgment. Talk to a friend, cry and cry some more, pound a pillow, vent on paper, get into your parked car (or basement) and scream. Repeat as necessary.
  2. Slow Down. Give yourself time to process the emotions before interacting with others. Don’t make any decisions until your body and mind have calmed down. Don’t send the email or make the phone call when the emotions are running rampant through your body.
  3. Avoid. Say no to alcohol, drugs, bonbons or other ways you typically repress feelings. Alcohol, drugs and even bonbons provide a big crash after the high. The quicker you allow feelings to surface, the quicker you feel less pain.
  4. Meditate. Heart centered meditation can help you center and remember what’s important. It will also calm your flight or fight system which allows you to access the rational part of your brain.
  5. Release the Energy Cords. You can be energetically connected with the people, organization or company involved in your situation and with the situation itself. Use my Energy Mastery Guided meditation (free on my website) to guide you to disconnect your energy.
  6. Listen within. For most of us, expressing our emotions was frowned upon when we were little. We have learned on an unconscious level that expressing our emotions is not safe. Imagine you are talking to a very young child (because that’s who’s getting triggered) and let her know it’s okay to be mad, sad, scared or whatever she is feeling. Comfort her.
  7. Mind your Focus. As much as possible, look for a silver lining. Look for what’s going well in your life. Focus on whatever brings you hope.
  8. Trust and Faith. I don’t know how to teach trust and faith but I believe you can find it through consistent heart centered meditation.

My saving grace for life’s ups and downs is my faith. I know to the depths of my being I am deeply loved and cared for by the Great Mystery…which I don’t understand and don’t need to. I feel loved. Completely. If I could give this to each of you who don’t feel loved on this level, I would.

Even if you don’t feel it, know it is true.

You are loved.

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